|Cast: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Mark Strong, Dominic West, Willem Dafoe, Samantha Morton, Thomas Haden Church, Ciarán Hinds, Bryan Cranston, Polly Walker|
Director(s): Andrew Stanton
Genre: Science Fiction
Total fucking bullshit.
Confusion abounds as nothing is explained (at least not well) and not a single character is fleshed out. Dull and boring for long periods at a time, underwhelming action sequences where all of a sudden some characters are able to do superhuman feats when there was no indication of them being able to do said feats before, scenes ripped off almost directly from other films (not even necessarily good films, like Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones, or Flash Gordon), and clichéd, stilted dialogue delivered with less enthusiasm and conviction than a second grade theater class. After a long, boring sequence on Earth that opens the film, JC finally gets his ass to Mars, and from there on I just couldn't follow which character meant what to whom, and which sci-fi gadget did what to whom. You'd figure that at least there'd be some neat CGI stuff, but no, it was run-of-the-mill and waaaaay too much. I found out after that Willem Dafoe, Samantha Morton and Thomas Haden Church played some of the aliens, but you'd never know it by looking at them, or even from their voices. They got altered by CGI so much, why bother using human actors? Why not just animate/digitize everything? It made no diifference, those 'roles' could've been played by anyone. And all the evil villains/creatures were defeated quite easily.
Stay away from this turd.
I never thought I could be SO disappointed in a movie that I had no desire to see AND which I heard was terrible, but here we are.
This film sucked a bag of dicks.
Game. Set. Annnnd match on this one...heard bad things, it's a Disney remake of a dull 40's series of books I avoided in my youth AND it looks like an attempt to cash in and start up a new "Pirate of the Caribbean" cash cow.
It has FAIL written all over it...
I've just bitch-slapped this baby with me "PASS" stamp.
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