|Cast: Jackie Earle Haley, Kyle Gallner, Rooney Mara, Katie Cassidy,
Director(s): Samuel Bayer ,
Website: Click Here
This will be my Wednesday night viewing. I'm super excited to watch despite the lame reviews it's gotten thus far. I was a huge fan of the originals and have been waiting for a while for this one. Fingers crossed it doesn't totally suck.
Sorry, it totally sucks.
What a piece of shit.
Where to begin?
**SPOILERS** - but who cares?
First off, I won't compare to the old film (or the series in general) because it doesn't hold a candle. I will just say that this version of Freddy is lame lame lame. The make-up looks terrible, like someone just stretched a burn mask over his head. This makes his mouth look like every time he talks, he's trying to throw his voice as if he were a ventriloquist. This also prevents him from having any facial expressions like Robert Englund did. This new Freddy has just one blank look on his face the whole time, not very menacing, despite his actions. What also made Freddy more interesting previously was his inventive and surreal methods of killing people. That is absent here, as all the murders are of your basic finger-knife-slash variety, with a couple of bodies tossed around a room here and there. It's been done - if you're rebooting the franchise, why not get more creative with it? Now more than ever you have the technology to film any scenario imaginable, but no, that would take some effort, any none was put into any level of this film. Script, acting, dialogue, FX, lighting, editing, direction - all terrible. And hey, look - produced by Michael Bay! There's your answer, fishbulb!
As a stand alone film, there's just no consistency within the confines of the film's own rules and logic. EVERY single moment uses the 'is it a dream or isn't it?' tactic, so much so that it kills the surprise of anything remotely, well, surprising happening because we just anticipate that everything is a dream. It doesn't matter where a character is, chances are they're dreaming, even a sequence when a guy is SWIMMING LAPS in a school's pool or in the middle of walking down the aisle in a pharmacy. What, you fell asleep mid-lap in a pool? While you were on your feet and shopping? And of course, every dream sequence is broken up by the character waking up BOLT UPRIGHT AND IN A SWEAT, so much so that it might as well have been used as a wipe. "And...dreaming...dreaming...dreaming....BOLT UPRIGHT IN A SWEAT...AAAAAND CUT!"
The lighting is awful. EVERY room is dark with one window shining rays of light through a smokey haze in the room. They must've broke the budget on that fog machine. With all the kids creeped out, there's one kid that decides it's a good idea to check in on his friends by using their bedroom windows and scaring (unintentionally) the crap out of them. He does this TWICE. The second time, the friend was alone in the house, there was no need to sneak in, just use the front door like a fucking normal person! Characters fall asleep and then wake up SCREAMING their heads off in public places like stores and classrooms. What does the teacher say to an obviously startled and scared kid? "Are you okay? Yes? Okay, fine, on with our lesson!" Speaking of which, all the parents in this film are shitty parents. They love their kids, but don't do much in listening to them or assisting them or telling them the truth about Krueger, even though kids are dropping like flies around them (truth be told actually, the body count in this film is pretty low). Oh, and to top it all off, we couldn't have a crappy film like this end without the heroine saying something lame and stilted before killing Freddy, something like, "You're in MY world now, bitch!". *Sigh and Groan!*
One more thing, and it may be petty but it caught my eye early on when I was already calling bullshit on this film. How come whenever a film shows a waiter/waitress they always have a pencil behind their ear? Who does that? NO ONE, that's who. It's like not one person involved with a film has ever worked in the restaurant industry on any level. I have NEVER, as an employee or customer, seen a server with a pencil behind their ear. People have pouches and pockets and money aprons, y'know? Again, it's a petty complaint, but it goes to show the level of not-give-a-shit in throwing together this slap-dash turd-hill of a film for a quick weekend at the box office before it goes straight to the used bin at Bllockbuster where it belongs.
Not that I'm bitter.
Now, I KNOW Deril intends to see this, and somehow, I get the feeling he may actually like it, but don't say I didn't warn you.
And I couldn't put my finger on it, but I googled a pic which I'm posting below that shows what it was Freddy reminded me of in this film.
ZOMF I LOL'ed at your review Mitchay - JUST watched this and I concur IN SPADES!
ALL through the film I was roling my eyes and calling bullshit on this WHOLE project. ALL I could think was WHAT was the poine of even MAKING it?? Did this franchise NEED a reboot? Well, yes- probably to make some cheap cash but a the VERY least re-image it a bit. But it stuck almost directly to the original story arc and robed the original of many of the scenes (i.e. tossed around a room by a mysterious force before 3 lines appear on the torso and blood flies everywhere...been done: to Johnny Depp if I recall correctly. And (spoiler) the final scene of the mom being yoinked into the dream world.
And I FULLY agree this Freddy was lame Lame LAME - not scary in the slightest.
I could go on but Mitch already captured all my points of view.
Piece of shit movie.
I hear they're already working on the next sequel: Freddy Krueger.....WITH A SHOTGUN!!
|What's your rating of this movie?|