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Monster in Law (2005)

Cast: Jennifer Lopez, Jane Fonda, Michael Vartan, Wanda Sykes, Adam Scott, Will Arnett, Annie Parisse, Monet Mazur

Director(s): Robert Luketic

Language: English

Genre: Love / Romance

Website: Click Here

Synopsis

Charlie (Jennifer Lopez) is looking for a nice guy who will appreciate her, as well as her myriad of interests and jobs. From walking dogs to painting to designing clothes to answering phones at a doctor's office, Charlie does it all. Keith (Michael Vartan) seems to fit the bill as a perfect match for her: he's charming, handsome, a successful doctor, and he is completely smitten with her. And now, he has proposed and wants to marry her. There's just one problem: his mother, Viola (Jane Fonda), ... [Get complete synopsis]

 

Papamikey wrote on March 20, 2006, 9:04 am
Rated
Terrible.

Simply dreadful.

The missus and I watched this even though we both PAINFULLY knew after 20 minutes it was going to be bad...we acutally FLIPPED through the guide to see if there was anything better. A sad statement on the state of cable TV when NOTHING is on that is better than this trash.

So, like a person slowing down to gawk at a train-wreck, we watched the WHOLE thing.

Egads.

I mean, CHRIST, how am I supposed to believe that JENNIFER LOPEZ is a sweet and innocent temp-worker. Moreover, a TEMP-worker (a DOG walker, for the love of CHRIST) that lives in a GINORMOUS sprawling flat on the BEACH in Malibu!??!!!!

That violates the "Movie Economics" rule even more than "Friends" EVER did!!!

Whatever.

I'm not going to analyze this travesty anymore than it deserves...

HOWEVER, I WILL give it 1 star for Wanda Sykes, the "cheeky" assisstant to Jane Fonda's character who actually managed to fire off some one-line zingers that ACTUALLY made us chuckle.

Papa Mikey!
Deril wrote on March 20, 2006, 10:29 am
Rated
I think you're being generous with your 1 star rating. Anat & I also saw this and it really sucked!
Papamikey wrote on March 20, 2006, 11:49 am
Comment
Well, I WANTED to give it only 1/2 star for Wanda Sykes, but D-Bor hasn't implmented the 1/2 star...or has he?

Meh.

The movie doesn't warrant any further effort from my part...

That, or I'm just too lazy.
MasterWoodsman wrote on March 20, 2006, 12:35 pm
Comment
Nah. The 1/2 star = bomb. Same as when I set it up last year.

One day when I get sick of Warcraft I'll keep building the site. But they lied to me. They said "Built it and they will come." Well I built it, and no new people came. Just my friends. Oh bloody hell.
Papamikey wrote on March 20, 2006, 12:48 pm
Comment
No, it's not "Build it and let it stagnate"

Unfortunately for you and even more unfortunate for your imaginary world (of W), you're going to have to put energy into this project to make it flourish...and....and...

Oh christ, here I go talking to the lead wall again.

Nevermind. ;P

MasterWoodsman wrote on March 20, 2006, 11:39 pm
Comment
Oh bloody hell!

Adding a teeny tiny feature can take quite a few hours to work on. For example, reformatting the actor names to fit under the movie box shot took about 1 hour. Once I get the CSS somewhat near what I want I have to coax it to be right. Then I try it in Internet Explorer and find it doesn't work, so I have to go back and try again. Seemingly simple tasks take quite a while.

Next comes the database. Now for those of you who have any amount of computing knowledge, this site is run entirely by SQL commands for data retreival and updating. One thing I've learned through many years of database design is not to fuck with it when it's working unless you can test every feature. For example, I needed a way to tell if a review had a ranking. So I defaulted each comment to a rating of 0. Any value above 0 is considered a review. That's why a bomb is 0.5 points. It simplified things enormously. Now if I go back and change a bomb to 0 points I have to add another column (boolean) that keeps track if there is a rating or not. That in itself isn't hard, but checking every function to make sure I didn't break one takes time.

Ironically, adding a brand new feature is oftentimes easier to do than changing an old one (especially in PHP).

Yes, I could do it. I can change a bomb from 0.5 to 0 stars. But what's the point, really? No movie is so bad it gets zero stars. The bomb icon is damning enough. Ok, so it screws up the average a bit. I can get around this by ignoring any reviews that are less than one, but this would require two passes through the SQL which slows down page loading. Is that feature worth it if it slows down the pageloads by 0.3 seconds? In my view yes.

These are not my immediate concerns with this site. The main one is that the site looks a little simple. It needs to be spiced up. And for this I need original art, which I've asked you guys for many many times! So don't go crapping at me when you do the same thing!

Anyhoo. Let me flip it around a bit.

I love working on this site when I can. To be honest it's my first PHP site and I'm quite proud of what I've done (click View/Source on your browser to see some code). The overall layout of the page is okay to good, but it needs work. One thing that always bothered me is that anyone who stumbles on the site isn't immediately aware that you have to scroll down to see the reviews, so they might click the back button in 0.5 seconds. Another problem I have is that there are too many spaces between everything. I fought and fought with the CSS to get everything to butt together, but there was always something stopping me (especially the open-protocol-hating IE).

I'm not against updating the site to make it more fun for you guys, but you have to realize I can only do this in my spare time which is not always available!

This gives me an idea: I'll give you my CSS code (which controls the colors, fonts, positions of boxes, basically everything visual) and you try to change the look of the site. There's a really cool website that shows how the same page can look radically different simplying by changing the CSS file. The site is http://www.csszengarden.com/
motleymitch wrote on March 21, 2006, 1:34 am
Comment
Uh, yeah...so, how'd you like Monster In-Law?
Deril wrote on March 21, 2006, 9:52 am
Comment
yeesh! We didn't ask for your life story.
MasterWoodsman wrote on March 21, 2006, 12:59 pm
Comment
Never saw the movie and never will!
motleymitch wrote on March 21, 2006, 1:06 pm
Comment
Never say never again, D-bor.

suaveay wrote on March 21, 2006, 4:29 pm
Comment
Why does the drawing of the guy banging his head on the wall look like Jeff?
Papamikey wrote on March 21, 2006, 5:18 pm
Comment
Thanks for that delayed laugh, Roberto!

I hadn't noticed! Hmmmm, one of life's interesting mysterious coincidences, I guess! Imagine, a frustrated worker banging his head against the tedium of beaurocracy...looking like Jeff?

Imagine!
Jefferygn wrote on March 21, 2006, 10:54 pm
Comment
Yes, I concur, it does indeed look like me!

As they say: "Whoo-hoo!"

What's your rating of this movie?

 

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